Procrastinating useless resolutions

January is traditionally the time for new year’s resolutions to be made.

However, if you’re anything like me, a little procrastination goes a long way, and you won’t quite have got around to putting metaphorical pen to paper and settling on anything concrete — or useful.

Note to self for 2023: procrastinate less.

Hmmm . . . I’ll have to give that some serious thought.

Reflecting on past resolutions, I can see they fit into broad categories.

Top of the list is usually ‘‘health’’.

These goals have had, shall we say, mixed outcomes over the years.

Cutting back on my drinking did not go well when I was in my 20s, but suddenly became an easier prospect once we had our first child.

Beer bottles were summarily exchanged for milk bottles and, after attempting to get up and sterilise feeding gear at 3am — under the cloud of an incipient hangover — I soon fixed the error of my ways.

Smoking was an easier shout, although I have some sympathy for those trying to give up in these lazy, hazy days of vaping, when the officially sanctioned advice seems foggy, at best.

As for what we might call ‘‘gym-related activities’’ — well, the less said the better.

Like many, our garage at home is testament to the power of good marketing over common sense, and a melancholy graveyard for get-fit-quick devices of every sort.

Note to self No 2: limit saturated fats and sugars (but only once you finish the industrial-sized cache of Christmas chocs).

Next category on the resolution list is usually ‘‘ambitions’’.

• Buy Lamborghini by end of year. Check.

• Family holiday in Bora Bora. Check.

• Acquire cabinet for journalistic awards. Check.

• Build that sleepout with sitting room and en suite for untold Airbnb riches. Check.

As you’ll observe, I checked all the above.

I checked, and can safely confirm none have yet occurred.

Finally, there’s ‘‘the achievable’’.

The nice thing about the achievable is it tends to overlap with ‘‘the desirable’’.

So once I’ve finished procrastinating, downed my last wheatgrass smoothie, and gently let go of my jet-setting, Lambo-revving ambitions, perhaps I can settle on something that could actually be useful for 2023.

‘‘Worry less, enjoy more, and be happy with your lot.’’

Pass the chocolates, someone.

New year, same me . . . There’s no point in worrying about new year’s resolutions
that aren’t useful. PHOTO: ISTOCK